VIP Last last #VIP update before nuclear war??

Welp, it's not nuclear war o'clock yet for some reason. In the mean time, let's do another update. I'm running out of apocalypse-themed games to add.

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Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker - In the Balance

Starting with yet another FFXIV track, this comes from the latest major patch and it's another banger. Soken can't keep getting away with it!

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Terranigma - Roman Heuser - Zue / Zoo (Terranigma Orchestral Cover)
Terranigma - Jean Of mArc, Gamer of the Winds - Blue Magic (Prime Blue)
Terranigma - Fredrik Hathen, JohnStacy, et al. - Beginning of the Journey (Departure)
  replacing Terranigma - The Underworld
Terranigma - jnWake, zykO, et al. - Brave New World (Further into the Wide World)

Terranigma is a classic SNES game with a fairly unique story about giving life back to a desolate Earth. Most of these tracks are from an OCRemix album.

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Lemmings (Genesis) - DarkEco - Extinction Party

And now, Lemmings, a game about conformity and death.

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Godzilla: Monster of Monsters - Matthew Beckham - Title Screen Metal Cover
Godzilla: Monster of Monsters - Cabax - Level 2: Mars

Godzilla NES is still one of the creepypastas I've ever seen.

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SCARLET NEXUS - Whirlwind
SCARLET NEXUS - The OSF -Own Paths
SCARLET NEXUS - Opposed Viewpoint
SCARLET NEXUS - Turbulence

The story and gameplay of Scarlet Nexus reminds me of NieR. It's a dark action RPG about defending Earth from aliens. The OST is also pretty damn good.

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Punishing: Gray Raven - Narwhal
Punishing: Gray Raven - Dust
Punishing: Gray Raven - Hikari
Punishing: Gray Raven - Dream with you!

Punishing: Gray Raven is an action RPG about post-apocalyptic androids defending Earth from robots. Sound familiar? Yep, it's another NieR copycat. In fact, it's having a NieR collaboration event right now! It's a gatcha game, so be careful. Moving on to the music, these tracks are only from the vol. 1 OST, which implies there will be a vol. 2 coming out. If it's as good as vol. 1, one or more of these tracks are getting exiled.

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NORN9 - Ship of Destiny ~world in the NORN~
Hell is Other Demons - Sorrows
Lagrange Point - Kenji Yamamoto - THE RESURRECTION OF SABBATH
Lagrange Point - Hirokuni Korekata - Orange Party
Invasion - Kill 'Em All!
Invasion - ..And Be Happy
Invasion - Kick Out The Big Ass

Here's a bunch of games that are probably about something of an apocalyptic nature.

And now for something completely different.

tl;dr: There is no tl;dr for this post. It's just super cringe and may contain minor spoilers.

I saw an anime movie called A Silent Voice. I thought maybe I'll have another good cry after watching In This Corner of the World. After finishing the movie, however, I spent many hours wondering why I didn't cry, even after the cathartic ending or that bridge scene. I then entered a state of analysis and introspection. Maybe it was because I preferred plot-driven stories to character-driven stories, which is what this movie is. I watched a few reaction videos from professional feelers.

I even tried to remember times when I felt depressed myself. That's when I remembered I did have some suicidal thoughts back in the day. There were times when I thought I was useless and cried to myself a few times. I also felt that my parents made the situation worse, but I was unable to express my feelings to anyone.

I rationalized my uselessness. Like Shouko, the female protagonist in the movie, I believed I was a huge burden to everyone around me. I was unemployed and leeching off of my parents. I had no ambition to really do anything. My social skills were (and still are) absolutely terrible. Why should I even exist when overpopulation was already a big problem? I was thinking of ways to self-terminate that didn't scare me shitless. There were times when I would just lie in bed crying and thinking what a pathetic human being I was.

Then, I started thinking about the Vidya Intarweb Playlist. Who was going to maintain and update this very personal playlist of mine, to continue sharing my favorite music to the world? Whenever I thought about it, I didn't feel useless. As long as at least one person enjoyed listening to my collection of nerdgasmic music, I felt happy. Near the end of the movie, Shouko was finally given a substantial purpose in life by the male protagonist Shoya (actually they found a purpose in each other). And I understand that one of the biggest countermeasures to depression is to have a sense of purpose - a reason to live.

It sounds awfully silly, but the VIP literally saved my life and continues to do so. No... it's actually not the playlist - it's you, the listeners. Even though we've never met, you are my Shoya/Shouko, my purpose. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening and keeping me alive.

...

To answer the initial question of why I didn't cry:
I understood and could relate to everything. Every major plot point that I expected to happen happened (most especially if you read the trigger warnings for the show). I guess one could say I was mentally prepared for it. In the case of In This Corner of the World, war is completely unpredictable. No one can be mentally prepared for it, which is why even those who are professionally trained for war get traumatized - a shocker can happen at any time, so tears are more likely.

That's not meant to diminish the quality of A Silent Voice in any way. The depth and development of each character is what makes the movie truly shine. As well, depression is just one of the many layers and issues tackled in this fucking weeb-ass movie and I encourage everyone to watch it. It's also #1 in my top 3 of 2016 anime movies. (Contrary to popular belief, it's not a romance movie, so take your date to watch Your Name instead.)

Thank you for your concern. I'm at a better place now that I have a job that doesn't stress me. As well, it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling to know that my playlist helps people out.

I learned from watching Dr. K (Healthy Gamer) and anime that it's important to express one's feelings. Since it's extremely difficult for me to express emotions in front of people IRL (besides nervous laughter), my main outlet is the internets*. I used to think being emotional was a bad thing, and I wanted to be an emotionless, logical robot (which was probably why I held off on watching anime for so long), but thanks to Dr. K, I learned that not only is it unhealthy to run away from emotions; it's also impossible, no matter how much you suppress it. In fact, suppressing it could lead to a dangerous emotional explosion later down the line. So I'm gonna try to be more open about my emotions on the internet (after careful consideration, of course).

*There's a theory out there that because Japanese culture is super-conservative about showing emotions in public (honne & tatemae), their main outlet of expression is through art such as anime, which is why it's so emotionally expressive.

The guests on this site I suspect might be bots trying to get past the registration page. I don't really trust those numbers. However, I know exactly how many people listen to the VIP.

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Thanks to some Google Analytics code in VIPVGM, I'm able to track how many people are listening in real time. It also let's me see which tracks are most played, most looped, and lots of other wonderful stats that I've no idea what to do with! In the least, it gives me a perspective on the listening habits and tastes of VIPVGM's audience.